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Hey guys - is this what sexy real girls look like?

Ben Parfitt
Hey guys - is this what sexy real girls look like?

“A saucy calendar is looking to take the gaming world by storm – by pairing classic consoles with scantily-clad women.”

That’s a quote from The Sun, by the way. Because, y’know, tragically socially inept GAMING NERDS like you and I couldn’t possibly be aroused a picture of a GIRL unless she’s stood next to or fondling a piece of electronics.

(Or in the case above, tied up with cables but still looking hot-for-it instead of looking fucking terrified as a girl who has been tied up with cables by a reclusive “nerd” would actually do in any real-world scenario.)

My mate’s dad had a sexy calendar of football-themed girls once. But I’m a NERD so I don’t understand football or cars or friendships or the world outside my front door or fruit so looking at it left me flaccid and in a panic questioning my own sweaty, greasy sexuality.

One day I’ll kiss a girl. Maybe.

But thanks to the NERD DREAMS CALENDAR 2013 I can finally enjoy my own company again. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT NERDS WHO CAN’T BRING THEMSELVES TO TALK TO REAL WOMEN DO ALL DAY ALONE IN THEIR BEDROOMS, RIGHT? NORMALLY WHILE WEARING A PLASTIC HELMET THAT CAME IN A LIMITED EDITION OF A SHOOTING GAME AND BROADCASTING THE WHOLE THING ON CHATROULETTE.

Apparently the calendar has already proved a hit in Germany. That piece of information will receive its own paragraph.

“Some of us are too young to remember, but there was an exciting time when computers were not yet part of everyday life,” creator Henning Schneider told the paper.

“To operate these machines, you needed knowhow. They had 5 1/4 inch floppy disks and command prompts, beeping modems and slow connections.”

PHWOAR FLOPPY!

“As a result, a class of computer nerds formed. Call them geeks or even dorks, they paved the way to the all the digital pleasures that make our lives so much richer today. To remember both the early computers and the nerds operating them, I wanted to produce the Nerd Dreams Calendar 2013.”

Just checked that. 2013. Yep, definitely 2013. Not 1993.

CHECK OUT SOME OF THE HOT CHICKS AT THESUN.CO.UK OR EMAIL ME AND I’LL SEND YOU A RAPIDSHARE LINK

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Tags: Media , the sun , calendar , nerd dreams , saucy

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