Spectacular. Truly spectacular. And the picture of the first-gen Xbox Metro has used really rounds it off.
Today’s copy of freesheet newspaper Metro takes alarmist mainstream video gaming reporting to a WHOLE new level.
Check this headline: “Xbox paedophile predators 'move in on prey within two minutes of contact”.
We think that deserves a round of applause, people.
“Paedophiles prowling online move in on their prey within two minutes of first making contact because they have so many potential victims to choose from,” it continues.
We’re laughing. At our desks, we’re laughing. Are we supposed to be laughing?
“Sexual predators are taking advantage of young people’s willingness to add strangers as online contacts out of a sense of ‘competition’ over their popularity.
They are also increasingly likely to use gaming platforms such as Xbox Live to target children, researchers say.
“Many are spending up to six hours a day on online ‘fishing expeditions’ where they work though up to 200 contacts until they find a vulnerable child willing to interact with them. “
Actually, we’ve figured it out. Metro has obviously used the technology behind the holographic Tupac to resurrect Mary Whitehouse, then given her an Xbox 360, pen, paper, 15 cans of Redbull and told her to LET RIP.
“Conversation between an online offender and a child can now become sexualised within two minutes,” researcher Professor Julia Davidson said. “On social networking sites, if the child does not respond, the offender will simply move on to the next child.
“During our interviews, offenders said they didn’t need to bother with a grooming process when they could immediately ask children for sex or to meet so they could abuse them.”
Don’t forget too that this is on the front page. The front page of the paper. Such is the threat posed by these tireless kiddy fiddlers that Metro has prioritised its grave warning over anything else that has happened in the world. Glorious.