Metro "can’t tell real world from fantasy"

Hardcore gamers become so immersed in virtual worlds that they turn to imaginary consoles to ‘zoom in’ to people in crowds or to pick things up from the floor.”

That’s the opening to today’s Metro games-bashing piece. What it means MCV can’t tell you. If you have any idea than please let us know.

Bettering yesterday’s awe-inspiring reportage, today’s piece carries the headline Gamers ‘can’t tell real world from fantasy”.

It continues: Some teenagers even confess that flashbacks from games can blot out real-life – and others admit to fantasising about running over and killing pedestrians.”

The source of this hard-hitting psychological insight? A Nottingham Trent University study, which claims that some gamers experience games transfer phenomena”, which roughly translated means thinking about or doing things in real life that you’d be more likely to do in a video games.

Like chain sawing a Metro journalist with a Lancer.

Knowing Nottingham Trent and the report’s author Professor Mark Griffiths, the piece itself is likely hugely sensible. But there’s no stopping Metro from picking out the bits it’s interested in and fitting them to its narrative.

One 15-year old named Simon admitted wanting to use a ‘gravity gun’ from half Life to fetch something from the fridge.”

THE HORROR. It reminds us of the torment we experienced in our youth after all those hours failing to move the remote control with the Force. And that shatterer of dreams George Lucas still walks free.

Another gamer, Milton, 19, said he dropped a sandwich after playing Prince of Persia: Sands of Time his finger ‘twitched’ as he tried to retrieve it with his console.”

Sorry, what?

Linus, 19, said he thought he could use a search button in World of Warcraft when he tried to look for his older brother in a crowd.”

Of course, no Metro games article would be complete without a points for killing” reference to Grand Theft Auto, and today’s fine diatribe duly delivers.

The report said a few participants reported ‘criminal thoughts’ such as recreating Grand Theft Auto, which awards points for ‘wrecking things and killing people’ while they are driving.”

The worst piece of video games journalism ever penned? It’s an undoubted contender. This cries out for a new GMA category.