Recession? What recession? Apple posts record earnings

The High Street might be in tatters as the world’s governments wallow in spiralling pits of debt and despair, but it’s all parties and barbeques and women and jager bombs at Apple HQ in California.

The tech giant has just posted record profits for the quarter ending December 31st, driven by all-time record sales of the iPhone, iPad and Mac.

A quite astonishing 37.04m iPhones were sold in the period – that’s up 128 per cent year-on-year. iPad sales climbed 11 per cent to 15.43m units with Macs climbing 26 per cent to 5.2m. Ipod sales climbed 21 per cent to 15.4m.

Revenue for the period hit $46.33bn with a record-setting profit of $13.06bn. That’s up from $26.74bn and $6bn in the same period in 2010.

We’re thrilled with our outstanding results and record-breaking sales of iPhones, iPads and Macs,” CEO Tim Cook stated, possibly drinking a vintage port from a cup forged from God’s teeth.

Apple’s momentum is incredibly strong, and we have some amazing new products in the pipeline.”