Well here's a story we didn't expect to be bashing out on a mid-week summer holiday morning.
A Super Mario Happy Meal toy has today rubbed a few people up the wrong way after finding itself at the centre of a completely bizarre controversy.
A Mirror story has alleged that a Plymouth man has confiscated said toy from a child because it appeared to be wanking. The swivelling arm of the toy – which was designed to look as if it were tossing a boomerang when a trigger on the back is yanked – instead appeared, to the eyes of some at least, to be performing a sex act.
"They should not be giving out toys that look like that. My kids started doing the action and it was so wrong,” 25 year-old father of five Tyler Atfield was supposed to have said. "I confiscated the toy and my daughter was upset, but without the boomerang, it doesn't look right."
However, as if the whole saga were not bizarre enough, a report from local paper The Plymouth Herald stepped up with the revelation that Atfield reckons he's actually been stitched up by a mate, who impersonated him when giving the quotes.
It's all a big practical joke that someone has played on me," he told the paper following the publication of Mirror's report. "It couldn't be another Tyler Atfield because I am 25 and I have five kids and I live in St Budeaux.
"One of my mates text me telling me to Google it, and it was the top result. I don't have a clue who's done it. I just can't believe it, it's made me embarrassed to go out on the street to be honest.”
McDonalds completely refused to join in the masturbatory pun fun, however.
"Super Mario toys are a much loved part of our Happy Meal promotional range,” the company dryly stated. "This particular toy has been available across the world since 2014 without any complaints so we are surprised that Boomerang Mario has been misconstrued in this way.
"We hope the vast majority of our customers continue to enjoy the Team Mario range in the way the fun children's toys were intended."
Let's admit it, though – Eurogamer totally nailed it with this headline.